alas. remove thy shoes and enter. please keep trampling to a minimum. there is a trampoline room.

yawn. and another christmas comes to a close. and this christmas im married. its so weird. but in a good way. laura and lee moved in today. and its been an amazing day, we just walk back and forth into each other house's and its awesome. (btw we live in a duplex).

and laura and lee are david (my husband's) sister and his brother in law.

we had an amazing talk with amy tonight (davids other sister) and its so amazing to see how god is working in all of our lives. i feel that for so long i have been so distant from god. god is a relationship, and i feel that i have not called on him, i havent visited him. and just like any other relationship, its suffering. and i miss him. i miss feeling loved.

laura said something tonight that really hit me about god and negativity in the world. she said that we all concentrate on what other people say, especially negative things. and honestly, we all concentrate on the negative things moreso than the positive. for example, i concentrate on the fact that someone told me i was mean albeit that it was once in light of a hundred times people tell me they love me. but i dont hear the i love yous. i hear the 'im mad at you', 'you hurt me'...all of the negative things that come at us from the world.

and that hurts us. it hurts us all. it hurts us emotionally and mentally, and lowers our self-esteem. im writing this as more of a self-help awareness blog than for others, so please dont be offended.

i have found myself loathing me for so long that i take that to be normal.

and its not, that is the world getting to me.
and thats where it comes back to my relationship with god. and strengthening it. with that strengthened, i raise my self-esteem, i love myself because god loves me. its like in the book captivating, all girls want to be pursued. they want to be loved and treated like a princess. god put that in our hearts, and when we dont get that, when we listen to the world...we get hurt. and sometime beyond belief. to the point where we dont even know love anymore. sometimes i feel that i dont know love anymore, and im married. and newly married at that.

and it hurts. its the world getting to me. that is not god, and at the same time that is hopeful as well as discouraging. its discouraging because the world can get to us that easily, but its encouraging because god can cure us, he can save us. we just have to open our hearts to him.

and thats what im rediscovering. loving god and letting myself be loved by god.

im glad that god has provided this time for all of us to rest at christmas and regroup, and make note of our priorities.

thank jesus for all that he does.

be the moon...reflect the son.